I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
