Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize