So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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