I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
