Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's blow job season.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize