you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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