At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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