I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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