You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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