Best friends brother. Beat that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
