I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
