you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
