is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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