why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
