I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
