My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
