And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
