Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize