also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's get the cat blown out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're so committed to being not committed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
