My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
