I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
