I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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