Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
