Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
