i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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