so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
