If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
