so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
