Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
