5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
two words: eviction party
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
