i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Come share oat with me in your robe
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize