I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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