operation have a gay friend backfired
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
