I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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