Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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