After last night, I could never be a politician.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there is puke in my bra ... again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
