you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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