my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
