What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
