need another drink. this is the easiest way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
