shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My dick has a subreddit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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