i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
