She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
