as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize