The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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