I heard we made out
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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