when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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