been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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