Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
