i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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