Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
