Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize