Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
