girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
