He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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