ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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