69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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