I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
