We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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