I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
