I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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