just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
