My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
