On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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