I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
