she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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