she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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