Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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