She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
