I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
