He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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