Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
