I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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