pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
