New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
