As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
