it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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