In the future we'll all be gay
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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