Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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