idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
