Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
