Welp...herpes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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