i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
