I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
