I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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