Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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