She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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