my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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