He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize