I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
