I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
