All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
