Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
