he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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