Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
