Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
