Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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