remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
