Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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