New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize