yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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