:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
