Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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